Ok so rapture time is tomorrow and not in the cool Blondie song way. According to some geriatric preacher in the U.S. the end of the world begins on May 21st 2011. How the hell he did the math is beyond me as no one knows exactly when the great floods which are said to have been the count down starting line was but hey what ever floats his boat (or ark)
So these are the reasons why I won't be floating up to the heavens with the successful 3% of earthlings who have a VIP pass to heaven.
1/ I have never sold my house or donated more than a gold coin into a collection plate to christianity although maybe the school fees my parents paid towards my Christian education will count.
2/ I am a single parent. That whole no sex before marriage thing went a long time ago in favour of the try before you buy philosophy. Although I am living the life of a nun these days so is it based on recent history?
3/ I swear like a sailor
4/ I have read the bible and yes it has some really interesting stories and some great affirmations but I really got more out of reading "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior"
5/ I believe all religions have interesting values and that as long as you live your life in the best and most honest way that you can you should not be penalised for the belief system you were raised with. Who's to say that the Moonies were wrong?
6/ I kill flies and spiders .. so the whole though shall not kill thing.. yeah
7/ Love thy neighbour?.. if you had met Bongo Boy you would understand that this was an impossibility!
8/ That false idols thing.. went out the window when I was 13 and discovered Duran Duran.. Idolising John Taylor is an understatement.
9/ I am good with the adultery thing.. at least I got one brownie point! go me!
10/ the fact that I can't remember anymore of the commandments (there were 10 right?) kind of sums up how much I am not going to be knocking on heaven's door tomorrow.
So is there like a points system to get in? like when you apply for a new bank account.. a minimum of 100 points of ID will get you there. If you have more than 100 points do you get to travel business class??
Talk to you tomorrow night ;-)
So these are the reasons why I won't be floating up to the heavens with the successful 3% of earthlings who have a VIP pass to heaven.
1/ I have never sold my house or donated more than a gold coin into a collection plate to christianity although maybe the school fees my parents paid towards my Christian education will count.
2/ I am a single parent. That whole no sex before marriage thing went a long time ago in favour of the try before you buy philosophy. Although I am living the life of a nun these days so is it based on recent history?
3/ I swear like a sailor
4/ I have read the bible and yes it has some really interesting stories and some great affirmations but I really got more out of reading "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior"
5/ I believe all religions have interesting values and that as long as you live your life in the best and most honest way that you can you should not be penalised for the belief system you were raised with. Who's to say that the Moonies were wrong?
6/ I kill flies and spiders .. so the whole though shall not kill thing.. yeah
7/ Love thy neighbour?.. if you had met Bongo Boy you would understand that this was an impossibility!
8/ That false idols thing.. went out the window when I was 13 and discovered Duran Duran.. Idolising John Taylor is an understatement.
9/ I am good with the adultery thing.. at least I got one brownie point! go me!
10/ the fact that I can't remember anymore of the commandments (there were 10 right?) kind of sums up how much I am not going to be knocking on heaven's door tomorrow.
So is there like a points system to get in? like when you apply for a new bank account.. a minimum of 100 points of ID will get you there. If you have more than 100 points do you get to travel business class??
Talk to you tomorrow night ;-)
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