Since I am on a roll with top 10 lists and dating experiences I thought I would give you a list of the Top 5 Dating Disasters of my life so far.
1/ Disappointed Dude -The most recent date which I have alluded to in recent posts is certainly up there. I showed up and immediately saw the look of disappointment in his face. We were meeting for coffee but he was starving so I suggested the nearest Indian Restaurant.
Once we got there, he whinged about the price of the meal and money in general and pretty much could not hold a conversation without it being in a whiny voice. Really sad, considering we had had some amazing phone conversations for over a week leading up to the date.
Five minutes into the date he said "I have to tell you, I don't find you attractive AT ALL". I wish I could say that I came back with some witty retort about being releived because I don't date men with no chins and 0% body fat but I was dumbstruck. My ego was pretty much crushed. Not that I am a supermodel but I am certainly not ugly.
We struggled through the meal (which was absolutely delicious!) while he complained about the cost the whole time. He also added to the conversation by sulking about getting a man cold and how the air con in the restaurant wasn't cold enough. I ended up feeling a little guilty about taking him somewhere other than McDonalds and when the bill arrived I politely said "Did you want me to grab this?" thinking he would at least offer to pay for his own since eating was his idea. Instead he said "That would be great, Thanks" and walked out of the Restaurant.
We then sat in the carpark for half an hour while he bummed cigarettes while complaining that I shouldn't have given them to him when he was so sick with the man flu and very clearly indicated that although he found me hideous he would be open to a bit of casual sex.
I finally found the courage to end it and the last thing he said was how disappointed he was that he hadn't found me attractive. He also followed this statement up the next day with an email just in case I didn't get the message loud and clear the first time!
2/ Drill Sargeant Daddy - This guy was also a blind date who obviously lies about his age. Not only was he old enough to be my father, he actually knew him. He spent the whole coffee date barking orders at me like I was in the army. "Sit down!"; "Drink your coffee"; "Talk!". I spent the whole time scared that I was in trouble and he was going to dob on me to my father!
3/ Just Get Yourself a Hooker Dude - This guy seemed completely normal, although not really my type. I thought I would give him a chance. We went for coffee and a walk. Conversation was a little boring but I figured he was just as nervous as me and probably would have given him a second date just to see if it got better.
The next day he sent me a text which said "Thanks for meeting me. Looking forward to seeing you again. This time I will give you $80 if you give me a blow job"
I sent him a text back directing him to a 1800 number and never spoke to him again.
4/ Get that Crazy Bitch out of your Life then call me Dude - Matt was awesome - tall, dark, gorgeous, excellent sense of humour. His downfall was his crazy ex girlfriend who called relentlessly from the start of the date right through to our goodbyes. I couldn't really tell you too much of what we spoke about because he spent the entire date on the phone to her yelling, consoling & crying. Yes crying. Needless to say, I heard myself being called some pretty choice words over the phone by a complete stranger that night. I was just thankful she was calling from England (the reason they broke up apparently) and couldn't come find where we were at. I was imagining rabbits boiling in stockpots and women jumping out of bathtubs with butchers knives for weeks after this date.
Matt finished the date by apologising to me and saying "I don't think we should see each other again. It's not you , it's me!" to which I replied "Yes, it really is" and never saw him again.
5/ Cliched Daddy - Now I consider myself Italian so don't anyone get offended when I say this man was a stereotypical wog right down to the gold chains, porn star mo and hairy chest that worked in a pizza parlour. A flatmate set me up with her boss and said he was lovely. He wasn't lovely, he was greasy. I was a little freaked out when she told me five minutes before he picked me up that he was in his late 40's. When he showed up it was clear he was older than that.
It was pretty obvious that he was looking for a young chicky to have on his arm and make him feel younger. He took me to this funky restaurant and then to a night club. The whole time he had his arm around me possessively while glancing around the room to make sure people were noticing how clever and manly he was. I took the first opportunity to excuse myself to go the "little girl's room"and hightailed it out of there.
I have had more disastrous dates as well as these but these ones really stand out as reasons why I have panic attacks at the thought of dating.
Seriously, why can't it be easy? I have had better job interviews than most of my dates and quite seriously that is what dating can feel like. A really awkward job interview.
1/ Disappointed Dude -The most recent date which I have alluded to in recent posts is certainly up there. I showed up and immediately saw the look of disappointment in his face. We were meeting for coffee but he was starving so I suggested the nearest Indian Restaurant.
Once we got there, he whinged about the price of the meal and money in general and pretty much could not hold a conversation without it being in a whiny voice. Really sad, considering we had had some amazing phone conversations for over a week leading up to the date.
Five minutes into the date he said "I have to tell you, I don't find you attractive AT ALL". I wish I could say that I came back with some witty retort about being releived because I don't date men with no chins and 0% body fat but I was dumbstruck. My ego was pretty much crushed. Not that I am a supermodel but I am certainly not ugly.
We struggled through the meal (which was absolutely delicious!) while he complained about the cost the whole time. He also added to the conversation by sulking about getting a man cold and how the air con in the restaurant wasn't cold enough. I ended up feeling a little guilty about taking him somewhere other than McDonalds and when the bill arrived I politely said "Did you want me to grab this?" thinking he would at least offer to pay for his own since eating was his idea. Instead he said "That would be great, Thanks" and walked out of the Restaurant.
We then sat in the carpark for half an hour while he bummed cigarettes while complaining that I shouldn't have given them to him when he was so sick with the man flu and very clearly indicated that although he found me hideous he would be open to a bit of casual sex.
I finally found the courage to end it and the last thing he said was how disappointed he was that he hadn't found me attractive. He also followed this statement up the next day with an email just in case I didn't get the message loud and clear the first time!
2/ Drill Sargeant Daddy - This guy was also a blind date who obviously lies about his age. Not only was he old enough to be my father, he actually knew him. He spent the whole coffee date barking orders at me like I was in the army. "Sit down!"; "Drink your coffee"; "Talk!". I spent the whole time scared that I was in trouble and he was going to dob on me to my father!
3/ Just Get Yourself a Hooker Dude - This guy seemed completely normal, although not really my type. I thought I would give him a chance. We went for coffee and a walk. Conversation was a little boring but I figured he was just as nervous as me and probably would have given him a second date just to see if it got better.
The next day he sent me a text which said "Thanks for meeting me. Looking forward to seeing you again. This time I will give you $80 if you give me a blow job"
I sent him a text back directing him to a 1800 number and never spoke to him again.
4/ Get that Crazy Bitch out of your Life then call me Dude - Matt was awesome - tall, dark, gorgeous, excellent sense of humour. His downfall was his crazy ex girlfriend who called relentlessly from the start of the date right through to our goodbyes. I couldn't really tell you too much of what we spoke about because he spent the entire date on the phone to her yelling, consoling & crying. Yes crying. Needless to say, I heard myself being called some pretty choice words over the phone by a complete stranger that night. I was just thankful she was calling from England (the reason they broke up apparently) and couldn't come find where we were at. I was imagining rabbits boiling in stockpots and women jumping out of bathtubs with butchers knives for weeks after this date.
Matt finished the date by apologising to me and saying "I don't think we should see each other again. It's not you , it's me!" to which I replied "Yes, it really is" and never saw him again.
5/ Cliched Daddy - Now I consider myself Italian so don't anyone get offended when I say this man was a stereotypical wog right down to the gold chains, porn star mo and hairy chest that worked in a pizza parlour. A flatmate set me up with her boss and said he was lovely. He wasn't lovely, he was greasy. I was a little freaked out when she told me five minutes before he picked me up that he was in his late 40's. When he showed up it was clear he was older than that.
It was pretty obvious that he was looking for a young chicky to have on his arm and make him feel younger. He took me to this funky restaurant and then to a night club. The whole time he had his arm around me possessively while glancing around the room to make sure people were noticing how clever and manly he was. I took the first opportunity to excuse myself to go the "little girl's room"and hightailed it out of there.
I have had more disastrous dates as well as these but these ones really stand out as reasons why I have panic attacks at the thought of dating.
Seriously, why can't it be easy? I have had better job interviews than most of my dates and quite seriously that is what dating can feel like. A really awkward job interview.
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