I made a promise to myself when I started losing weight that I would get to a certain goal and give up smoking. Well that goal came and went a long time ago and I have still been smoking. I have decided recently to live up to that promise.
Two weeks ago I went to the doctor and got the script for Champix. I had heard both good and bad reports on this drug. Mainly I had heard about the freaky dreams. I figured how bad can it be and the long term gain of giving up smoking has got to be worth any side effects that Champix could throw at me. I was wrong...
On top of the freaky dreams, the constantly wanting to throw up, the insomnia and feeling like I was living in a fog bubble, the mood swings turned me into the psycho bitch from hell. I could not predict my reaction to anything. I was bursting into tears one minute, laughing hysterically the next, then ready to go postal on the next person who looked at me a minute later. Add some pretty impressive panic attacks where I couldn't breathe or stop shaking and it was pretty obvious that I was not meant to take this medication. Ten days in, I ditched it.
That doesn't mean I am not giving up smoking though! My options for help are pretty limited. I am allergic to the patches and lozenges which means I pretty much have to use that ever elusive willpower to just say no. Fuck.
Me and willpower have a pretty rocky relationship. Sure we go strong for a little while but then my eyes starts to wander to something more interesting, exciting and just plain wrong for me. I like to think of Willpower as the good guy in the relationship. The bad boy I don't have always looks more inviting and I just have to dump the good guy for the bad guy every time. I solemnly swear that I will do my best to stay with you this time willpower. No matter how tempting that bad boy is!
So today is Day One.
I have prepared for today as best as I can. I even downloaded a self hypnosis stop smoking app on the iPhone as well as a nifty little app called "Since I Quit" that shows how many hours, days minutes etc since you gave up smoking as well as how many cigarettes you have said no to and how much money you have saved. I started with the self hypnosis. I have given up smoking for over a year through hypnosis before so this could help. I have to say this app is pretty good! The only thing....
Well everyone knows I have a thing for the Irish accent. It is just so cool! My GPS has an irish accent on purpose just so I can hear Patrick the Irish TomTom guy say "Turn Right at the Roundabout".
Sidenote:I actually bought that particular GPS because the sales guy told me it said street names. I was so excited about getting Patrick the Irish TomTom guy say Potato Street, I paid the extra money straight away. Two problems with this. 1/ I couldn't find a Potato street anywhere and 2/ the sales guy lied and it didn't say street names at all.
So this self hypnosis app has an Irish accent. She is so cool and relaxing but there are some words that she says that I just can't help smiling at. Everytime she says "Smoking is dirty" I have to try so hard to stay relaxed. It just sounds so damn adorable!
I am on my rostered day off today so that my awesome workmates don't have to put up with manic Mel on this first day without cigarettes. So I made sure I had a good sleep in. I figured the more I slept through this first couple of days the better it would be for everyone around me. Problem with that is - waking up. As soon as I woke up my mind immediately went to coffee and cigarette time. So I had a cup of tea. Of course then I started resenting the decision because if it means giving up coffee as well I may just go even more psycho than the Champix made me!
I have moments already where I am having internal conversations with myself like Smeagel in Lord of the Rings.
"I wants one, I wants one now"
"But I don't need it anymore. If I have one I won't be able to stop"
"But why stop. I loves it and I wants one now"
"I will be saving so much money, I will be healthier and I will never have to look at that pack with Brian on it"
"But but but.....my precioussssss!!!"
So far I am winning. I am determined. I can do this.
If I can just get through today.
Two weeks ago I went to the doctor and got the script for Champix. I had heard both good and bad reports on this drug. Mainly I had heard about the freaky dreams. I figured how bad can it be and the long term gain of giving up smoking has got to be worth any side effects that Champix could throw at me. I was wrong...
On top of the freaky dreams, the constantly wanting to throw up, the insomnia and feeling like I was living in a fog bubble, the mood swings turned me into the psycho bitch from hell. I could not predict my reaction to anything. I was bursting into tears one minute, laughing hysterically the next, then ready to go postal on the next person who looked at me a minute later. Add some pretty impressive panic attacks where I couldn't breathe or stop shaking and it was pretty obvious that I was not meant to take this medication. Ten days in, I ditched it.
That doesn't mean I am not giving up smoking though! My options for help are pretty limited. I am allergic to the patches and lozenges which means I pretty much have to use that ever elusive willpower to just say no. Fuck.
Me and willpower have a pretty rocky relationship. Sure we go strong for a little while but then my eyes starts to wander to something more interesting, exciting and just plain wrong for me. I like to think of Willpower as the good guy in the relationship. The bad boy I don't have always looks more inviting and I just have to dump the good guy for the bad guy every time. I solemnly swear that I will do my best to stay with you this time willpower. No matter how tempting that bad boy is!
So today is Day One.
I have prepared for today as best as I can. I even downloaded a self hypnosis stop smoking app on the iPhone as well as a nifty little app called "Since I Quit" that shows how many hours, days minutes etc since you gave up smoking as well as how many cigarettes you have said no to and how much money you have saved. I started with the self hypnosis. I have given up smoking for over a year through hypnosis before so this could help. I have to say this app is pretty good! The only thing....
Well everyone knows I have a thing for the Irish accent. It is just so cool! My GPS has an irish accent on purpose just so I can hear Patrick the Irish TomTom guy say "Turn Right at the Roundabout".
Sidenote:I actually bought that particular GPS because the sales guy told me it said street names. I was so excited about getting Patrick the Irish TomTom guy say Potato Street, I paid the extra money straight away. Two problems with this. 1/ I couldn't find a Potato street anywhere and 2/ the sales guy lied and it didn't say street names at all.
So this self hypnosis app has an Irish accent. She is so cool and relaxing but there are some words that she says that I just can't help smiling at. Everytime she says "Smoking is dirty" I have to try so hard to stay relaxed. It just sounds so damn adorable!
I am on my rostered day off today so that my awesome workmates don't have to put up with manic Mel on this first day without cigarettes. So I made sure I had a good sleep in. I figured the more I slept through this first couple of days the better it would be for everyone around me. Problem with that is - waking up. As soon as I woke up my mind immediately went to coffee and cigarette time. So I had a cup of tea. Of course then I started resenting the decision because if it means giving up coffee as well I may just go even more psycho than the Champix made me!
I have moments already where I am having internal conversations with myself like Smeagel in Lord of the Rings.
"I wants one, I wants one now"
"But I don't need it anymore. If I have one I won't be able to stop"
"But why stop. I loves it and I wants one now"
"I will be saving so much money, I will be healthier and I will never have to look at that pack with Brian on it"
"But but but.....my precioussssss!!!"
So far I am winning. I am determined. I can do this.
If I can just get through today.
Comments