Noah turns 18 next Friday.
I am in total shock that this tiny little baby that the midwife presented me with after 5 1/2 hours of pain is now a grown man.
It feels like it wasn't that long ago that I was taking him to his first day of school and watching the Wiggles with him. "Hands in the Air, Rock a bye your Bear, Bear's now asleep Shh Shhh Shh" Complete with the actions and finishing with him sticking his tongue out and spitting all over the place trying to make the "shh" noise.
Sidenote: How creepy is it that the Wiggles are still around? I saw them play in the 80's as the Cockroaches and they are still going! By the time Noah has kids they will be singing songs about Big Red Wheelchairs and Pureed Fruit Salad. Wake up Jeff will be "Don't Wake Jeff or his Blood Pressure will go through the roof" They will get Pensioner rates admission into their own shows!
What is scaring me just as much as the fact that he is legally allowed to enter a club- knowing how many complete morons are out there ready to pick a fight and the fact that as an 18 year old testosterone filled man who may have consumed too much Jack Daniels, beer or whatever else takes his fancy he may get mouthy himself- is the fact that I am old enough to have an 18 year old.
How the hell did that happen?? As much as I secretly love it when people say I don't look old enough to have an 18 year old (actually it is more openly than secretly) I am wondering where the years went? I have this habit of measuring time by how old Noah was at the time. E.g. Noah was 12 when we moved to Brisbane so therefore it must have been 2005.
I guess what I am saying is that everything in my life has revolved around Noah from the day I had him. I don't say I moved to Brisbane in 2005 to increase my career opportunities so therefore Noah must have been 12. I plan my time around his schedule. I sacrifice those Jimmy Choos that I desperately want to own one day so that Noah can go to a school that will make him happy. I even made the decision not to date for a long time because I didn't want my crappy taste in men to effect him.
So have I done an OK job as a mother? I know he has never been arrested or broken any bones (although we did have that close call when he fell of the monkey bars and ended up in hospital for the day with concerns of spinal damage). He hasn't gotten anyone pregnant or been in any serious fights.
He has had his moments of learning things the hard way and giving up when the going gets too tough instead of staying strong. I have had more sleepless nights since he was a teenager than I did when he was a baby. Its hard to let go and let him make his own way when you want to take control and fix things for him. The control freak in me has not enjoyed the teenage years for that reason. He can be lazy and even now I wish he would clean up after himself without me having to nag him every five seconds!
But.. He is caring and will go out of his way for the people he loves. He is funny and so so smart (even if he doesn't believe it). He is so talented. My heart is full every time I catch him singing with that amazing voice of his. He is a loyal friend. He is respectful of his elders and loves his family.
And most of all, he loves his Mum. I could count the fights we have had over the years on one hand. Although at times getting him to open up to me is like pulling teeth he does tell me how he is feeling. He includes me in his life.
So now my baby is becoming a man. I am having trouble even referring to him as a man instead of my little child. It is exciting to see what is next for him. He starts his last year of school next January and then what? Will he be the rockstar he dreams of becoming and keep me in style I dream of being accustomed to? Will he find a niche somewhere in life that is comfortable and make him happy? I hope so. He deserves to be happy.
Will he live with me until he is 40 because he is too lazy and comfortable to move out? Probably. Have I loved being a Mum to him? Absolutely! Was I a good Mum? Well I managed not to kill him with neglect and with all limbs attached. So I guess I did something right!
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