Dear Santa,
I don't often ask for much but I think I have been extremely good this year and deserve a little recognition for that.
For one thing, I haven't sworn anywhere near as much as I have in previous years. I made an effort to change certain words to "shiz", "frick" and "country girl". Thats a big effort for me as you know how much I love the original words. I know I have slipped at least once a day but surely on the scale of things the massive improvement should count for something?
Also, I have been alot kinder to other people. I waited until they were no longer in earshot before calling them morons, bogans, in need of a happy meal or intellectual vaccuums. I have shut my mouth and not laughed at idiotic comments (well most of the time) Surely this is warrants something on the brownie point system?
My alcohol intake has been minimal. I have learnt that one bottle of red wine is enough in a sitting. As much as I may want to follow it up with a dozen tequila shots I have refrained from behaving like a drunken slapper and have not tabledanced or done bad karaoke for over 12 months now. The lack of drunken photos of me tagged on Facebook should add as proof to this.
I have supported many a good cause this year - such as the B-grade film association. You know how many bad films I have sat through just to help those poor starving actors/directors put food on their table this Christmas? Michael Bay and the cast from Twilight are able to celebrate the holidays because of me. Not to mention the royalties that were sent to those responsible for the Elm Street and Friday the 13th sequels.
I have refrained from involving myself in useless gossip and have refused to take Perez Hilton's word as gospel. I even read Gossipcop and call people out on bad celeb gossip now! That is a huge accomplishment! Even bigger than someone finding Tiger Woods attractive enough to sleep with. Oh, that's right, he is a gazillionaire!
As you can see, I really have had a good year, Santa. So I think it only fair that you furnish me with a few goodies tonight. On that note, here are my requirements.
1/ An iPhone. No reason in particular other than they are cool and I want to keep up with the Jones's
2/ A pair of Jimmy Choo boots. Because they are pretty.
3/ A case of Veuve-Clicquot. I think I have proved myself sensible with my drinking habits this year and they should be rewarded. Oh and if one of these cases could arrive on amonthly fortnightly weekly basis it would be greatly appreciated.
4/ An emotionally stable, non baggage carrying, employed, extremely funny, charming, sexy, giving, intelligent, non judgemental, commited, able to fix things, slightly left of centre boyfriend.Although I would settle for one who thought I was adorable and paid his own way right now.
That's it. I think with my track record, I could have asked for a lot more but I am not greedy.
I don't have a chimney so feel free to drop them off at the door.
Thank you in advance and I will write again next year.
Yours Sincerely,
Mel
P.S. Please don't send the elves - they freak me out!
I don't often ask for much but I think I have been extremely good this year and deserve a little recognition for that.
For one thing, I haven't sworn anywhere near as much as I have in previous years. I made an effort to change certain words to "shiz", "frick" and "country girl". Thats a big effort for me as you know how much I love the original words. I know I have slipped at least once a day but surely on the scale of things the massive improvement should count for something?
Also, I have been alot kinder to other people. I waited until they were no longer in earshot before calling them morons, bogans, in need of a happy meal or intellectual vaccuums. I have shut my mouth and not laughed at idiotic comments (well most of the time) Surely this is warrants something on the brownie point system?
My alcohol intake has been minimal. I have learnt that one bottle of red wine is enough in a sitting. As much as I may want to follow it up with a dozen tequila shots I have refrained from behaving like a drunken slapper and have not tabledanced or done bad karaoke for over 12 months now. The lack of drunken photos of me tagged on Facebook should add as proof to this.
I have supported many a good cause this year - such as the B-grade film association. You know how many bad films I have sat through just to help those poor starving actors/directors put food on their table this Christmas? Michael Bay and the cast from Twilight are able to celebrate the holidays because of me. Not to mention the royalties that were sent to those responsible for the Elm Street and Friday the 13th sequels.
I have refrained from involving myself in useless gossip and have refused to take Perez Hilton's word as gospel. I even read Gossipcop and call people out on bad celeb gossip now! That is a huge accomplishment! Even bigger than someone finding Tiger Woods attractive enough to sleep with. Oh, that's right, he is a gazillionaire!
As you can see, I really have had a good year, Santa. So I think it only fair that you furnish me with a few goodies tonight. On that note, here are my requirements.
1/ An iPhone. No reason in particular other than they are cool and I want to keep up with the Jones's
2/ A pair of Jimmy Choo boots. Because they are pretty.
3/ A case of Veuve-Clicquot. I think I have proved myself sensible with my drinking habits this year and they should be rewarded. Oh and if one of these cases could arrive on a
4/ An emotionally stable, non baggage carrying, employed, extremely funny, charming, sexy, giving, intelligent, non judgemental, commited, able to fix things, slightly left of centre boyfriend.
That's it. I think with my track record, I could have asked for a lot more but I am not greedy.
I don't have a chimney so feel free to drop them off at the door.
Thank you in advance and I will write again next year.
Yours Sincerely,
Mel
P.S. Please don't send the elves - they freak me out!
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