So we all know I have a problem with neighbours. In the past I have lived through Bongo Boy (who sounds like the dream neighbour in retrospect - if only he had some sense of rhythm) and star wars super freaks(who moved out about a month ago after the place was bought by a lovely yougn couple who have turned what once looked like a drug den into a turn of the century house and gardens home *love* )
At one stage I lived next to the hillbillies from hell, or as I liked to call them "the Reds". The husband was a red head, the wife was a red head, all the children were red heads (I lost count how many there were) , the dog was a red head and the cat and its multitude of feral kittens were red heads. Seriously, it was like living next to a box of matches! The only non red heads were the rats that breeded in the enormous of of junk that they stored under their house. The guy was a garbage collector. And by garbage collector, I don't mean the respectable paid job of picking up the garbage from my street so that I don't have to deal with it once it hits the bin, but a garbage collector in the sense that he went to the tip and BOUGHT other people's thrown out crap. Everyday. He invested in a trailer for this purpose alone. He would then wipe a rag over his apparent treasures and try to sell them to anyone within a two block radius. Needless to say, he didn't sell as quickly as he bought and piles and piles of rubbish culminated under his house. He actually let his little red headed rug rats play in this filth. On top of this, his wife was the street's busy body. I was forever waking up to find her standing at my door waiting for an invite for a coffee and a chat. Without sounding like a complete snob, what the hell could we talk about?? "so collected any good rubbish lately?", "Ever thought of rat bait? ". Can't tell you how good it was to move from THAT neighbourhood.
Presently in my block of four flats I have two neighbours. The flat next to me has been vacant for quite some time now. Apparently the workmen who seem to enjoy waking me at 7 am every sunday morning are almost finished and I will be getting new neighbours soon.. Yippee!!
In the flat above me, I have a lovely couple who for some reason think it is ok to be in your late 20s and still dress like emos. They are having a party at the moment. Let me say, the sound of someone vomiting when you are trying to have a relaxing bath is not a good thing, High heels on wooden floors is not pleasant for those who live beneath you, and crap music is crap music. If you want to appear cool and play your music so loud that you have to yell over the top of it, at least pick something that doesn't suck.
Upstairs on the other side is future cat lady. This chick is at best 20 years old, doesn't work and somehow still manages to do three loads of washing a day and totally hog the communal washing line. Now I admit, I may have pissed her off earlier in the piece by singing a little too loudly while waiting for a taxi to take Noah and I to the airport at four in the morning (She was a girl from Birmingham, she just had an abortion isn't everyone's cup of tea) but come on now! One ocassion, does not give her the excuse to complain and scowl everytime I breathe too loudly. I did the crime, I did the time.. Get over it! No one that young has the right to be THAT embittered and complaining. You need to be at least 30 before you get that right!
In light of the possibility of new neighbours moving in next to me soon, I have compiled a list of necessary neighbourly requirements.
1/ I love music, please don't ruin this for me by either a/ abusing your cd player with loud obnoxious bands who think they are rockstars (eg. wolfmother on repeat makes baby jeebus cry!). b/ if you think you are a musician learn some rhythm and stay in tune (or I will make Noah turn is amp up and drown you out - having a 13 yr old put you to shame musically has gotta hurt the ego)
2/ If there is a communal clothesline and you don't work. Wash your clothes during the friggen week and give those of us who only have two days a week to get this done a chance to get our clothes dry.
3/ If your friends come over, it is NOT ok to park in my car space. EVER.
4/ High heels on wooden floors should be banned. If you live on the second floor and have wooden floors, encourage a no shoe policy. Or have a slipper party!
5/ If you accidentally get your neighbour's mail, put it in their letter box. (especially if it is a bill - having your phone cut off because a neighbour was too lazy too walk five steps and put an envelope in your letterbox is not a fun experience. Yes i know I should have remembered myself, but the bill comes in, I pay it. Thats the system , don't knock it)
6/ It is not ok to put your stinky garbage in my bin if you have filled yours with beer bottles. Use the recycle bin for that and keep your maggoty meat for your own.
That is it for now.
I don't think I am asking for much?
Am i?
At one stage I lived next to the hillbillies from hell, or as I liked to call them "the Reds". The husband was a red head, the wife was a red head, all the children were red heads (I lost count how many there were) , the dog was a red head and the cat and its multitude of feral kittens were red heads. Seriously, it was like living next to a box of matches! The only non red heads were the rats that breeded in the enormous of of junk that they stored under their house. The guy was a garbage collector. And by garbage collector, I don't mean the respectable paid job of picking up the garbage from my street so that I don't have to deal with it once it hits the bin, but a garbage collector in the sense that he went to the tip and BOUGHT other people's thrown out crap. Everyday. He invested in a trailer for this purpose alone. He would then wipe a rag over his apparent treasures and try to sell them to anyone within a two block radius. Needless to say, he didn't sell as quickly as he bought and piles and piles of rubbish culminated under his house. He actually let his little red headed rug rats play in this filth. On top of this, his wife was the street's busy body. I was forever waking up to find her standing at my door waiting for an invite for a coffee and a chat. Without sounding like a complete snob, what the hell could we talk about?? "so collected any good rubbish lately?", "Ever thought of rat bait? ". Can't tell you how good it was to move from THAT neighbourhood.
Presently in my block of four flats I have two neighbours. The flat next to me has been vacant for quite some time now. Apparently the workmen who seem to enjoy waking me at 7 am every sunday morning are almost finished and I will be getting new neighbours soon.. Yippee!!
In the flat above me, I have a lovely couple who for some reason think it is ok to be in your late 20s and still dress like emos. They are having a party at the moment. Let me say, the sound of someone vomiting when you are trying to have a relaxing bath is not a good thing, High heels on wooden floors is not pleasant for those who live beneath you, and crap music is crap music. If you want to appear cool and play your music so loud that you have to yell over the top of it, at least pick something that doesn't suck.
Upstairs on the other side is future cat lady. This chick is at best 20 years old, doesn't work and somehow still manages to do three loads of washing a day and totally hog the communal washing line. Now I admit, I may have pissed her off earlier in the piece by singing a little too loudly while waiting for a taxi to take Noah and I to the airport at four in the morning (She was a girl from Birmingham, she just had an abortion isn't everyone's cup of tea) but come on now! One ocassion, does not give her the excuse to complain and scowl everytime I breathe too loudly. I did the crime, I did the time.. Get over it! No one that young has the right to be THAT embittered and complaining. You need to be at least 30 before you get that right!
In light of the possibility of new neighbours moving in next to me soon, I have compiled a list of necessary neighbourly requirements.
1/ I love music, please don't ruin this for me by either a/ abusing your cd player with loud obnoxious bands who think they are rockstars (eg. wolfmother on repeat makes baby jeebus cry!). b/ if you think you are a musician learn some rhythm and stay in tune (or I will make Noah turn is amp up and drown you out - having a 13 yr old put you to shame musically has gotta hurt the ego)
2/ If there is a communal clothesline and you don't work. Wash your clothes during the friggen week and give those of us who only have two days a week to get this done a chance to get our clothes dry.
3/ If your friends come over, it is NOT ok to park in my car space. EVER.
4/ High heels on wooden floors should be banned. If you live on the second floor and have wooden floors, encourage a no shoe policy. Or have a slipper party!
5/ If you accidentally get your neighbour's mail, put it in their letter box. (especially if it is a bill - having your phone cut off because a neighbour was too lazy too walk five steps and put an envelope in your letterbox is not a fun experience. Yes i know I should have remembered myself, but the bill comes in, I pay it. Thats the system , don't knock it)
6/ It is not ok to put your stinky garbage in my bin if you have filled yours with beer bottles. Use the recycle bin for that and keep your maggoty meat for your own.
That is it for now.
I don't think I am asking for much?
Am i?
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